Can't Stop
by Soliepower
Summary: Starr is with Cole, but is sneaking around with James. She knows its wrong and yet she can't stop.


**So, once again home sick and reintroducing myself to Starr and James clips on-line.**

**I was also watching some music videos online. One of the videos was of Starr/James/Cole and it was called Unfaithful. It gave me several good ideas for some stories and when I put them all together, I came up with this. So here it is.**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT own One Life to Live or any of the characters**

* * *

I hated what I was doing. I hated that it was hurting Cole. But I couldn't stop.

I've tried. I tried so hard. But, it never worked.

James, he was different.

James was fun, adventurous and brought out a side of me that I thought disappeared a long time ago. He excites me and makes me feel alive again.

Cole doesn't do that. I don't think that he ever did that. Sure, I love—loved Cole. But he never made me feel the way that James makes me feel.

That doesn't change that fact that this is wrong. So freaking wrong. If I know that, why can't I stop?

* * *

It all started after Cole told me that he had feelings for Hannah. It was the same day that I told him I had some sort of feelings for James. We had agreed to set the feelings aside, and focus on each other, but it didn't work out that way.

I was on my way home when I heard footsteps behind me. I turned around and saw some weird guy walking a few feet behind me. I turned back around and picked up my pace, determined to get as far away from him as possible.

But as I began to walk faster, so did the footsteps behind me. I didn't bother turning back around, I just kept going.

I guess if I did turn around I would have seen that the man wasn't feet behind me anymore, but he was only footsteps. I didn't realize it until I felt his hand clasp over my mouth.

"Don't make a sound. Give me all your money and maybe, MAYBE I won't hurt you."

I was so scared. Whimpering, I opened my purse and pulled out my wallet, I was about to hand it over to him when I heard a sharp voice from behind us.

"HEY! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HER!" It was James.

The man dropped his hand and sprinted off into the distance.

I fell to the ground, shaking from both nerves and shock.

"Starr? Starr are you okay?" I felt his hand rubbing soothing circles in my back as I continued to shake.

"I uh-."

I couldn't understand why I was so scared. I mean, I know that being in a situation like that is scary, but I have been in it so many times before. I should know how to react and what to expect in these kinds of situations, and yet it still petrified me. Maybe it was because then, I felt somewhat protected. I knew that I had a support system full of people who cared about me and would do anything to protect me.

Now I didn't feel like that. Sure I had mom, dad, Jack, Langston….but I didn't have Cole.

He was always there for me before but, now I don't feel like he's there anymore.

Yet, for some reason the way that James' hand feels on my back makes me feel safe.

"I'm fine. Thanks."

He nodded and helped me to my feet. "Do you want me to walk you back to your apartment?"

I nodded and smiled as he picked up my purse and handed it to me. Slowly, I followed about 2 steps behind him as we walked to my home. I couldn't understand what I was feeling.

Sure, I liked James. I mean, just 15 minutes before all that happened, I told Cole that I had feelings for him. But the things that I was now feeling, it wasn't just a crush. I felt need. Need for him. I shook my head and tried to push the thoughts and feelings out of me head.

When we got to the apartment, I unlocked the door and he opened it for me. I smiled up at him. "Thanks for walking me home. And thanks again for saving me back there."

He gave me that smile. That smile that seems to brighten up the whole room, and causes me to go weak in the knees.

Nothing was said. We both just stood there, looking at each other. Looking into the other's eyes, almost as if we were expecting them to tell us what the other was thinking.

I have a feeling that if my eyes could talk in that moment, they would be saying how intense my feelings for him were.

I think they were saying that, because before I could register what was happening, his lips were being pushed onto mine. His hands cradled my face and intensified the kiss.

And for some reason, I didn't stop him.

* * *

It happened again about 2 weeks later. Langston and I were eating breakfast before classes, when I looked up and in he walked, with his brother.

When I immediately stopped talking, mid sentence Langston looked up to see what caught my attention. I could tell she wasn't happy.

James sent me that smirk that makes my cheeks flush. From the heat coming from my face, I knew that he was succeeding in making me blush.

Ford was standing right behind him, looking straight at Lang.

I hadn't seen James since that day at my apartment, and I was okay with that. I really didn't want to face him after what happened. It's not like I slept with him…..then. I just let my feelings get the best of me and we had a pretty hardcore make out session on the couch. The only reason we stopped was because his cell phone began to ring and that was just enough time for me to come to my senses.

I told him to leave and then went into the bedroom and buried myself in the blankets, hoping that all my problems would go away. Like I said, ever since that day I had been avoiding James like the plague.

I looked down at my lap as the Ford brothers strolled over to the table. "Well hello there Twinkle. Hi Langston." I didn't have to look up to know that he was staring down at me.

"Hello James. Ford." Langston managed to spit out. She was trying so hard to ignore her feelings for Ford. She kept going on acting like he meant nothing to her and that she hated him, but I knew deep down it was just a matter of time before she realized how she really felt. In fact, she reminded me of someone, but who was it again?

After a few minutes of mindless small talk between Langston and James, she stood up, announced she had to leave and pushed herself past both brothers. Soon after Ford decided he had to leave as well. That just left James and me.

I cringed as he sat in the booth across from me. After several minutes of agonizing silence, he spoke. "So…."

"I have to go."I couldn't take it. I knew he was going to bring up what happened and I couldn't take it. I grabbed my purse and stood up from the booth, preparing to make my dash to the door. I was about to take off when I felt James' hand grab mine.

"Look, Starr I don't know what that all was about a couple of weeks ago but I'm not going to lie and say that I regret it. Because I don't. You know how I feel about you and there is nothing that you or I can do or say to change that."

I silently nodded and walked past him. I didn't have to turn around to know that he was walking out behind me.

I still don't know if he was following me on purpose or if he was just planning on leaving, but when I got to my car, I turned around and pulled his lips into mine. He somehow ended up in the driver's seat and he somehow ended up driving us to his apartment and I somehow ended up in his bed.

It was so wrong. But why did it feel so right?

* * *

It went on for months after that. James and I would see each other during the day and talk about current events. Sports, Television, the dramas happening around town those were some of the topics we'd discuss in public. We tried to act as normal as possible, and not make it obvious that something was going on.

But when we were alone, what we would talk about was very different. We'd share sweet whispers and compliments that I had never said or heard from anyone else before. Not even Cole.

James made me feel so special.

There was one time when nothing went on between us; we just sat on the couch of his apartment in each other's arms. I was once again rubbing circles on my back and I was reminded of the night that I really started to accept what I was feeling for James. It was the first time I ever acted on those feelings.

I smiled at the memory.

There was another time when he and I went back to the park where we first met and spent hours talking and sharing stories and secrets.

When I went home that night, Cole didn't even know I was gone. That fact is what made me feel a little less guilty. He didn't even care that I had been gone for hours.

There was one time when we almost got caught though.

James and I were texting each other and making plans for how we were going to get away the next day.

I had put my phone down on the table when I got up to get Hope a snack. When I got back into the room, Cole was holding my phone.

"So, what are you doing tomorrow?"

My heart stopped. "What?"

"Langston texted you. She wants to know if you're doing anything and if you could hang out."

I let out a breath. "Here, let me text her back."

After that we never texted each other to make plans, instead we only talked in person about getting together.

* * *

I'm a bad person. I'm sleeping with someone who isn't by boyfriend, and I'm not stopping.

I know that I should, but I can't.

I can't because there is something about James that connects me to him.

It might be because of the way that he makes me feel, alive, happy and safe.

Or it might be because I knew that deep down Cole was feeling something for Hannah, and he was about ready to kick me to the curb.

But I think the most important reason I couldn't stop was because I had fallen for James. Hard.

There, I said it.

I love James Ford. I wish that I didn't, but I do.

And if I could I would scream it from the rooftops.

Maybe someday I will.

* * *

**The ending didn't turn out how I wanted it to, but ach.**

**Tell me what you guys think. REVIEW-they are much loved!**


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